dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
