We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Boobs are out for the taking
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
