Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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