Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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