Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
