he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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