what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
