it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
