My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
