Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
