Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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