Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
