He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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