# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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