I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
