shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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