You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
