peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
