At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
