you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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