The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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