Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
