the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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