I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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