i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
