I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Fuck appropriateness.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
