I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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