The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
