I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
