Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Enjoy the penises
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
