I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
