I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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