8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
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HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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