Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
