first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
