Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
