nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
