I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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