I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
