Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
