My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
