i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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