My brain says no but my pants say off.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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