yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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