Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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