There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
