I just gift wrapped bread.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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