just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
