I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
