Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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