Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
