your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
A bitchslap is in order.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
