my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
