it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
