My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
