dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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