she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
